Thursday, September 10, 2009

This Walk through the Dark

Today was a difficult one in several ways.To explain, I have to be pretty transparent... ugh.
Here goes: My DH has a kidney stone that is very painful. He was laid off last year and then the position dissolved, leaving us without health insurance. The meds just to help the condition are $159.00, and a visit to the Urologist is 350.00 just to get in the door. I hate seeing him in pain. Working aggravates the condition, but after 3 days off, what's the man to do? Then we got the news that our case is still being played around with- one would think that wouldn't be possible at the U.S. Supreme Court level. WRONG!! All the families involved are about to come out of their skins, and the husbands are discussing risking imprisonment to get the truth revealed. We need a revolution. Not likely. LOL.
To top it off, uninformed fellow believers have criticized us for our circumstances, without asking for the details to help them understand. No way did I ever think I would be living this ordeal. After a college education, starting a Christian school in a foreign country and raising two great kids- never did I think I would be walking this path at this age. Fighting for the basic rights that most Americans don't even realize they have, they are so natural to them. But not to us...
Have you ever imagined that you were blind?
I have tried many times to identify with those who are blind by taking just a few steps with my eyes closed. After a couple of steps I am totally disoriented. It is so unnatural for us to walk without looking where we are going, yet that is precisely what Paul says we Christians must do. "For we walk by faith, not by sight" (2 Corinthians 5:7)
So today I created this page- another page related to what my Dh and I call our Walk through the Dark. We have no one we are allowed to speak with about this, so we cannot obtain much counsel. We are forced to go directly to our Source.
Habakkuk said:
2: 4"Behold, as for the (A)proud one,
His soul is not right within him;
But the righteous will live by his faith.

Those who have been harassing, stealing and assailing us are full of pride. We have been humbled by a call to walk this path of utter dependence. To know Him as HE IS, not just by what Man says He is. To take all of our imposed limits off of Him. To allow Him to be Who HE wishes to be in our lives. Many believers never enter into this. Most weeks, I haven't sensed His presence during this dark season. I cannot go by what I feel, or even my past experiences with Him. I have to walk this thing out one step at a time, He is giving only light for one step. I have to TRUST that HE is there. And some day, soon, I hope, will once again show me His face...

[credits: Starving Artist Designs Like Seriously paper, CreationFrenchGirl Storm paper, Ami Collofello Charming Alpha]

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Carolyn said...

Your page is beautiful, very touching. I think it is wonderful that you're scrapping this difficult journey that you're required to take. My thoughts are with you and your husband.

Linda said...

OH Amanda I am sorry you are having to make this journey. I agree with C. it's great that you are scrapping this. Big hug!

Hazel said...

I've just left you a message on the other link you left on our Salt blog. Praying for God's strong hand to continue to uphold and sustain you x

Stacy said...

after reading your post i have you in my prayers just wow i cannot even begin to complain about our situation we have loved your lo as well speaking from the heart and speaking truth glod bless you